How do you end your romantic relationships?
The ending matters, just like the beginning.
Relationships are such an important part of our lives especially those that we share with our partners but they don't always go to plan and often end sooner or more abruptly than we wish.
How we choose to part impacts our state of mind and happiness in the long term. There’s enough emphasis laid on beginning well with good intentions and energy but what about the ending? I believe ending relationships on a good note is just as important.
I know what you’re thinking, that it’s not in your control and the emotions that erupt from a breakup are too much to absorb. How does one possibly end things well when it’s ugly and unmanageable?
Heartbreak is always painful and there’s no easy way around it BUT we still get to choose how we part. Let me be the guinea pig and share with you a story about one of my relationships.
My ex-boyfriend and I had been growing apart and during that time, he fell in love with another girl. I was getting ready to discuss with him our future together when he announced that he was breaking up with me. And just like that, it was the end of the road for us.
Did it break my heart? Did I cry out loud? Did I feel numb with pain? Yes, all those and more. It, however, did not change the fact that I had spent some beautiful years with him. So what did I do?
I wrote him a long email about all the good things he had been to me, the wonderful qualities he possessed and wished him well for his future with all my heart. Then off I went.
Could I have chosen to fight, abuse him and create a ruckus? Yes, I could have but think about it, if you can be kind and loving whilst in a relationship could you not be the same person when you walk away? Kindness, compassion and forgiveness are choices you get to pick any time you want. They are harder to practise when you’re in immense pain but it is still possible to practise them.
The energy you finish a relationship with impacts you in profound ways.
Have you noticed people carrying inside them pain from heartbreaks they suffered years ago or feelings of betrayal throughout their lives? It's the energy they carry within themselves from a relationship that broke and left them bruised.
Be the person that befits you. Walk away knowing that you were the best human being you could have been. Walk away grateful for better things are always in store whether you believe it or not. Walk away without letting a breakup turn you into a bitter and raging human being.
Cry all you want, write about it, start a physical activity or take up a sport to vent your anger, join a new class to distract yourself, take up more work if you want, do whatever you need to, to get through your pain but don’t let it change you for the worse. Walk away more human than you were before because you can.